Would you wake up my world if I worked 'til you broke me?
Because all this world is a joke when I'm trying so hard to take care of you.
Broken promises; I never really cared.
That's a lie.
I cared too much and I don't know why.
Strange these feelings are when I have no real reason to feel them.
I can't stop to think.
I'll never be enough.
I'll always be too outspoken for you.
What kind of life am I living when it just depends on you and the things you do?
That fucking wedding.
It used to be all I thought about until it became evident that it didn't matter as much as I thought.
I hate how I feel broken too.
And how all I want to do is you.
What happened to the life I planned for?
All I see are blank walls and empty faces.
A broken home with broken vases.
The calender goes too damn fast.
Time never lasts.
I see all the things I need to do but it's too empty and I don't care.
All I see are these blank walls, no art.
Art doesn't waste it's time with me anymore.
Because I'm empty too.
Even though I'm doing all of this for you.
I thought I wanted someone stable, but I'm not stable either.
Not at all.
I can't even keep the floor clean.
Or my mind from racing with all these pointless thoughts.
And I really should be proud for trying so hard all the time.
When I'm really not doing anything.
The light is bright but not bright enough because I'm not sure you'll ever want me the way I want you.
I want you like a summer night.
Dark blue.
I want you like a vivid dream, so unreal but that's what makes it wonderful.
Because no one else will ever understand.
Bright red, screaming passion.
And I want you mostly like the white.
The pure white of the temple where I want to go.
But I don't know if you'll ever take me there.
That's what I needed, when I saw that angel and thought you could bring me peace.
What do I need?
I just feel lost.

So last night I found this little kitten outside in my mom's backyard. Really tiny little thing. He was crying and crying, like kittens do. He was all by himself, and my mom found another dead kitten somewhere else in the yard, and we didn't see the mother anywhere. So basically this little guy had been abondoned; it's possible that the mother died or couldn't feed them or something. Anyway, I picked the little guy up and he stopped crying. I brought him inside and made a bed for him with some old towels in a big basket. I tried to feed him but he wouldn't eat. He slept all through the night, and this morning I brought him to my apartment. I got him some kitten formula and some special medicated Q-Tips to clean his eyes with (they were both closed and looked infected). He wouldn't eat at all though, and he smelled REALLY bad. I knew something was really wrong with this kitten, but just didn't know quite what to do with it.

I decided this morning to call the vet after realizing how sick he must be. I took him in and they said he probably has a bad upper-respiritory infection. They cleaned his eyes and took his temperature and stuff...he was quite a bit below the temperature he should be at. Anyway, he told me that in order to keep him alive, they'd have to get him warm in a heated kennel and hydrated with an IV, which would also get his blood sugar up since he wasn't eating, and reccommended they keep him overnight to hopefully get him healthy. It's costing me about $150, which was definitely an unexpected expense for me...and I know it's a lot of money...but I couldn't just let this sweet little kitten die. He's fluffy and white and has pretty dark blue eyes. He's about 5 weeks old...maybe 6 inches long. I hope he lives. If he does, I plan on keeping him. What an emotional day.